A Brief Testimony of My Life
This is just a testimony I gave during the anniversary of my youth group (IMPACT). Cheerio~
..://~+~\\:..
I get that this phrase has probably been overused by all Christians giving testimonies but... God’s been good to me. ‘Extremely Good’ probably doesn’t even describe the entire scope of it. He’s done a huge change in my life, for the good.
To help you understand what the change is, you’d probably have to hear about my history. For starters, I’m from a broken family – one mother supporting the entire family. God’s been good in providing for my entire family, since I’m currently in a Polytechnic and my sister’s currently in NUS and having some study attachment overseas.
Anyway, back to the change I was about to testify earlier. I didn’t exactly have a bright and cheery childhood. To put it simply, my family and I were abused by my father. Being held at knife-point and threatened is just one of the things. I was also rejected by both him and my mum, though hers was to a smaller extent (I recently found out why, but that’s her story to tell.) My father later got arrested and he hasn’t contacted the family since then, apart from a few letters which stopped coming years ago. That’s just touching the tip of the iceberg.
In school, things weren’t too different. I was discriminated by a large majority of the students because I was “weird” and couldn’t relate to or communicate well with people. The teachers didn’t seem to understand this and instead of trying to explain things to me, they just kept punishing me and isolating me from the other students (apart from a two VERY good teachers – who were Christians – who tried to teach and guide me). I often got beaten up and whenever I got into some fight with another student, the teachers didn’t bother finding out who initiated it (usually not me) and just punished both, claiming it was “fair”. There was even one time when I was accused of molestation by one girl (I didn’t do it though) and when the teacher asked the class if I did it, the entire class pointed at me, except for one girl (who I’m good friends with now and still keep in contact with).
When I entered secondary school, things didn’t change much… though the discrimination situation lessened slightly and was more “underground”, so to speak. I had trouble finding partners for work (I always had to ask the teacher for help and even then, the partner was very grudging), no one wanted to sit with me, etc. Whenever I tried to speak, people just told me to shut up. The bullying continued too, though on a lesser degree due to caning, detention, expulsion, etc. I practically spent most of school life alone (I even ate alone) and I was unable to relate to males or females healthily. With regard to my secondary school grades, I had been failing EVERY subject, apart from English, for four consecutive years.
Sometime last year, with everything building up from young and the stress of the ‘O’ Levels coming in, I fell into depression, whereby I just gave up on everything, my studies included. Living each day was literally a struggle. I simply didn’t want to live and I just became an automaton, a “robot”. I was just basically surviving due to the basest of survival instincts – to live, breathe and eat, which were all slowly withering away.
I stopped speaking to anyone, since I found everything pointless and I cut myself away from my family and hated everything in life. (During this period, my mum came to this church and re-found God and He had been changing her for the better).
Anyway, skipping on past the ‘O’ Levels and stuff, I was pretty much going crazy, or at least an extremely severe case of anxiety, (with all the voices in my head and whatnot – no one knew about this either) and I was suicidal when I was dragged to this church by my mum. That, in itself, I believe was a miracle as I hated my mum and refused to listen to her. So her managing to convince me in any way was a miracle and what I believe to be God at work.
When I first came here, I hated everyone – not because they were obnoxious or anything but because everyone was just so obnoxiously cheery (at that point of time) and I simply hated everything in life, including myself.
But, while I might have hated the place and all, something just drew me back. The people there didn’t reject me and they accepted as who I was, Mr. Asshole and all. Whenever they spoke to me, I simply just glared and walked away or just kept silent. The more they tried to speak, the more silent I became, after all “What’s the point of speaking when you can never say anything right?”.
They kept pressing on and showing me what God’s love was, not by trying to force their selves on me but by just attempting to know me and accepting me for who I was. They didn’t go: “You should be more cheery! Tralalalala~” Slowly, I just opened up and they were EXTREMELY patient with me. I kept saying the wrong and offensive stuff without meaning to. I still do… but well… we learn as we go through life.
There was one point of time whereby something related to my depression was still plaguing me and cutting me off from people. I won’t mention what, but it pretty much cut me off from people as it generally wasn’t an accepted thing anywhere. When I finally confided to one the LifeNet leaders in IMPACT (who I’d grown to trust, somewhat), I was actually prepared for rejection (like all the other times). However, I was surprised when there wasn’t any negative reaction at all. J He DID advise me to tell this to my own LifeNet leader, since I wasn’t under him and he couldn’t really help much there. So I did and my LifeNet leader just accepted me as I was, without any form of condemnation. Together with the IMPACT leaders (upon my consent), they worked it out with me.
During that period of time, I was constantly faced by doubts of whether God and the church really loved me for who I was, or whether they were just putting up a pretense just as an obligation because they were “Christian”. However, my fears were constantly waylaid, not just by their words of reassurance but simply by their actions, the things they did unintentionally.
I guess that’s also what I loved (and still love) about this church. Everyone is genuine about who they are here. There’s no pretense or obligation to be anything (apart from keeping your language PG around the children) and you can simple just be who you are.
You’ll probably wonder why I haven’t mentioned God much (or at all) throughout my testimony so far. Well, the church IS an extension through which God works and we can say that what this church has been doing is what God is working through. J But to whet those who want to know…
God’s been very faithful too. Even though I didn’t know it, my mum and a lot of the church had been praying for me and my grades for a very long time and when my results came out, I got an L1R4 of 12 compared to an L1R4 of around 38 in the Prelims and I got into the Games Design and Development course in Singapore Polytechnic (a course which was my first choice and contains all the modules which I’m interested in).
I’m currently enjoying the course. The assignments flood in insane amounts (whereby I have to spend sleepless nights) but I get to pursue my passions in Art and Writing/Scriptwriting. The other modules are pretty interesting too. I’m slowly starting to learn how to make friends and I’ve got a decent job that allows me to earn lots of money to help support my own finances.
God has also been working a lot in my life (what the church does and what happens on a personal basis). From someone who was insecure 24/7, God has helped me to become more secure, to know that my standing isn’t in the opinions of others but in Him who loves me for simply who I am, imperfections and all. From someone who believed I was condemned no matter what I did, He has taught me that in Him, there’s no condemnation.
The testimony of my life probably sounded like some sort of soap opera… but well, that’s how it was, well is. I was also actually supposed to keep this short, and well, it IS very short compared to a lot of stuff I have to testify about God and this version honestly doesn’t cover the entire scope of it. AT ALL. It’s severely watered down. I can’t even remember how much God has done for me…
Right now, I’m just living life as it is, without much worry for the future. I’ve absolutely no idea what my future holds for me but I’m very sure that God has something great for me (as He has for everyone).
..://~+~\\:..
I get that this phrase has probably been overused by all Christians giving testimonies but... God’s been good to me. ‘Extremely Good’ probably doesn’t even describe the entire scope of it. He’s done a huge change in my life, for the good.
To help you understand what the change is, you’d probably have to hear about my history. For starters, I’m from a broken family – one mother supporting the entire family. God’s been good in providing for my entire family, since I’m currently in a Polytechnic and my sister’s currently in NUS and having some study attachment overseas.
Anyway, back to the change I was about to testify earlier. I didn’t exactly have a bright and cheery childhood. To put it simply, my family and I were abused by my father. Being held at knife-point and threatened is just one of the things. I was also rejected by both him and my mum, though hers was to a smaller extent (I recently found out why, but that’s her story to tell.) My father later got arrested and he hasn’t contacted the family since then, apart from a few letters which stopped coming years ago. That’s just touching the tip of the iceberg.
In school, things weren’t too different. I was discriminated by a large majority of the students because I was “weird” and couldn’t relate to or communicate well with people. The teachers didn’t seem to understand this and instead of trying to explain things to me, they just kept punishing me and isolating me from the other students (apart from a two VERY good teachers – who were Christians – who tried to teach and guide me). I often got beaten up and whenever I got into some fight with another student, the teachers didn’t bother finding out who initiated it (usually not me) and just punished both, claiming it was “fair”. There was even one time when I was accused of molestation by one girl (I didn’t do it though) and when the teacher asked the class if I did it, the entire class pointed at me, except for one girl (who I’m good friends with now and still keep in contact with).
When I entered secondary school, things didn’t change much… though the discrimination situation lessened slightly and was more “underground”, so to speak. I had trouble finding partners for work (I always had to ask the teacher for help and even then, the partner was very grudging), no one wanted to sit with me, etc. Whenever I tried to speak, people just told me to shut up. The bullying continued too, though on a lesser degree due to caning, detention, expulsion, etc. I practically spent most of school life alone (I even ate alone) and I was unable to relate to males or females healthily. With regard to my secondary school grades, I had been failing EVERY subject, apart from English, for four consecutive years.
Sometime last year, with everything building up from young and the stress of the ‘O’ Levels coming in, I fell into depression, whereby I just gave up on everything, my studies included. Living each day was literally a struggle. I simply didn’t want to live and I just became an automaton, a “robot”. I was just basically surviving due to the basest of survival instincts – to live, breathe and eat, which were all slowly withering away.
I stopped speaking to anyone, since I found everything pointless and I cut myself away from my family and hated everything in life. (During this period, my mum came to this church and re-found God and He had been changing her for the better).
Anyway, skipping on past the ‘O’ Levels and stuff, I was pretty much going crazy, or at least an extremely severe case of anxiety, (with all the voices in my head and whatnot – no one knew about this either) and I was suicidal when I was dragged to this church by my mum. That, in itself, I believe was a miracle as I hated my mum and refused to listen to her. So her managing to convince me in any way was a miracle and what I believe to be God at work.
When I first came here, I hated everyone – not because they were obnoxious or anything but because everyone was just so obnoxiously cheery (at that point of time) and I simply hated everything in life, including myself.
But, while I might have hated the place and all, something just drew me back. The people there didn’t reject me and they accepted as who I was, Mr. Asshole and all. Whenever they spoke to me, I simply just glared and walked away or just kept silent. The more they tried to speak, the more silent I became, after all “What’s the point of speaking when you can never say anything right?”.
They kept pressing on and showing me what God’s love was, not by trying to force their selves on me but by just attempting to know me and accepting me for who I was. They didn’t go: “You should be more cheery! Tralalalala~” Slowly, I just opened up and they were EXTREMELY patient with me. I kept saying the wrong and offensive stuff without meaning to. I still do… but well… we learn as we go through life.
There was one point of time whereby something related to my depression was still plaguing me and cutting me off from people. I won’t mention what, but it pretty much cut me off from people as it generally wasn’t an accepted thing anywhere. When I finally confided to one the LifeNet leaders in IMPACT (who I’d grown to trust, somewhat), I was actually prepared for rejection (like all the other times). However, I was surprised when there wasn’t any negative reaction at all. J He DID advise me to tell this to my own LifeNet leader, since I wasn’t under him and he couldn’t really help much there. So I did and my LifeNet leader just accepted me as I was, without any form of condemnation. Together with the IMPACT leaders (upon my consent), they worked it out with me.
During that period of time, I was constantly faced by doubts of whether God and the church really loved me for who I was, or whether they were just putting up a pretense just as an obligation because they were “Christian”. However, my fears were constantly waylaid, not just by their words of reassurance but simply by their actions, the things they did unintentionally.
I guess that’s also what I loved (and still love) about this church. Everyone is genuine about who they are here. There’s no pretense or obligation to be anything (apart from keeping your language PG around the children) and you can simple just be who you are.
You’ll probably wonder why I haven’t mentioned God much (or at all) throughout my testimony so far. Well, the church IS an extension through which God works and we can say that what this church has been doing is what God is working through. J But to whet those who want to know…
God’s been very faithful too. Even though I didn’t know it, my mum and a lot of the church had been praying for me and my grades for a very long time and when my results came out, I got an L1R4 of 12 compared to an L1R4 of around 38 in the Prelims and I got into the Games Design and Development course in Singapore Polytechnic (a course which was my first choice and contains all the modules which I’m interested in).
I’m currently enjoying the course. The assignments flood in insane amounts (whereby I have to spend sleepless nights) but I get to pursue my passions in Art and Writing/Scriptwriting. The other modules are pretty interesting too. I’m slowly starting to learn how to make friends and I’ve got a decent job that allows me to earn lots of money to help support my own finances.
God has also been working a lot in my life (what the church does and what happens on a personal basis). From someone who was insecure 24/7, God has helped me to become more secure, to know that my standing isn’t in the opinions of others but in Him who loves me for simply who I am, imperfections and all. From someone who believed I was condemned no matter what I did, He has taught me that in Him, there’s no condemnation.
The testimony of my life probably sounded like some sort of soap opera… but well, that’s how it was, well is. I was also actually supposed to keep this short, and well, it IS very short compared to a lot of stuff I have to testify about God and this version honestly doesn’t cover the entire scope of it. AT ALL. It’s severely watered down. I can’t even remember how much God has done for me…
Right now, I’m just living life as it is, without much worry for the future. I’ve absolutely no idea what my future holds for me but I’m very sure that God has something great for me (as He has for everyone).
posted by Heian Edenwood at
8:01 PM
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